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Beyza Ozer


Hello, this letter was never finished


this is where i would draw a map & title it the place for ache

a black hole disguised as heaven, or

maybe not even disguised, maybe it's just a portal

          this is how i pray: think about my hands

          & how they look older than the rest of me

          there are no differences between warm mornings

          & apologies that end with flowers in the trash

i could make a blanket for someone but i'd rather

sit on a roof & pretend to look for meteors

when the sun pushes out you will still find me there

i'm not scared of floods anymore

          & asking for forgiveness is so difficult 

          i forgot how to say so many words in my first language 

          but i am practicing by reading eulogies

          whose idea was it to keep distance?

my eyes are about to give out again but 

here, take this dynamite for when i wake up





We are both ugly pieces of the moon. We can be found stuck under the dirty sheets of a bed or in any diner in America that stays open past 4 a.m. I am tired of being large but decided a long time ago not to do anything about it. Beds that drag me into the dark don't actually drag me into the dark. Dreams in which I wake up in a mental hospital & go about my day like normal are just dreams. Dreams in which normal exists & movement only happens in a cloud shaped like a postcard rarely occur. I never wanted to look like myself. It is hard to be tired & it is tiring to break things into separate parts with fingerless hands. It's not anyone's fault, I don't expect them to understand. I tell the voice in my head, can i give you a name? & the voice says no





beyza ozer would like you to know that you are made of moon dust. beyza's work has appeared in & is forthcoming from The Offing, Pinwheel, THEM, Nightblock, Witchcraft Magazine, Shabby Doll House, & others. beyza is the author of FAIL BETTER (fog machine 2017) & I DON'T MEAN TO REDSHIFT (Maudlin House 2016). they are deputy director of social media at YesYes Books. beyza lives in Chicago where they attend Columbia College, work at the feminist bookstore, & intern at the Poetry Foundation.